September 13th is quite a special day for my best friend and me. For each of us in an own special way. This year we happened to spend it together. The two of us have been friends for nearly a decade. A decade of fun and failure...
Eight years ago we were sittting stoned on a dirty matress in his room, watching Pontus Alvs´strongest of the strange projected on the bedroom wall as he said he would have something weird to tell me. His girlfriend, who he had been dating for nearly a month, was pregnant. She was 18, he 19 by the time. Getting the baby would not be an option he said slightly confused. He would gladly pay the 140€ an abortion would cost. They did not really discuss their positions in this. They did not find a consens. To be honest they did not really communicate the issue at all. She arranged a date with her gynocologist. He drove her home after the procedure. This was equivalent with their brakeup.
On september 13th four years ago I got up at six in the morning, putting on warm stuff for the ugly cold weather outside and hoping not to be late as usual. The abortion clinic was about an hour away. To be honest the atmophere around was pretty cosy and i felt way more comfortible then going to the dentist. Warm light probably to smooth the decision. I decided not to get an general anesthesia, a local one would do. And while a nice lady, I had only met once before to discuss everything, was inserting a mini hoover into my lower body, I was thinking how cool it was that she could just suck my problem right out of me. 15 min later, maybe 20, I felt only a little pain and tired but internaly so eased. The next day I had nearly forgotten about it. I would not have to destroy peoples relationsships by admitting my pregnancy. I would not have to deal with responsability and I would not have to take into concideration someone elses point of view. Fucking awesome. I could not have been more greatful.
My decision was made all by myself. I did what felt right for me in this very moment and in regard to my future life. Thinking now about having a four year old kid to take care off would literally freak me out. I m not a mum.
While my best friends girlfriend was brave enough to deal with someone elses reaction, she still did what she felt was expected from her. Maybe she herself would have made a different choice. Looking back at my own choice, I would do it again the very same way. Sounds selfish, right? It might appear fair to inform your lover about the consequences of your interaction but at the end of the day it s still the women dealing with the physical and emotional consequences of such situations. Although sometimes it seems women are expected to feel sorry and broken, to me it was a relief.
And while I was knocking on wood things were solved this way in the past, my best friend said: "If today-me would have been confronted with this situation it would be really ok to keep it. It would have been eight today." Gladly we could get stoned and watch the stars on the beach. Without kids....I wish every women would be free to choose which way she wants to go. I m greatful I am.