Why is it so hard for us to speak our minds? At least in a sober condition....? A few drinks usually help to loosen the tongue. That´s probably why kids and drunk people are supposed to tell the truth. But why is it that we struggle so much with beeing honest, although we claim so much to do so? Why can´t we say straight ahead what we want and what we think? Is it not to protect others or not to hurt ourselves?
To me it happens on a daily base. While my mind thinks "I miss you and I want you all over me" what I actually say is usually "what´s up?". The situations are countless. Friends who don´t keep promises or dissappoint me I usually want to spit all my hurt feelings right in their face. But "it´s alright" ususally wins. Here are some examples with translations:
- I like you = you re so hot I want to eat you alive / damn, you´re way smarter than me
- I´m not in the mood today = I know I´m only your second best alternative and that´s not enough
- we´ll do it another time = you must really think I´m heellla stupid
- congratulations = you did not move one finger to deserve this, bitch, you just got lucky
- he´s nice = your boyfriend is so dumb
- I really don´t know him = we fuck occasionally but that´s none of your business
- I´m sorry I got so much work to do = I´d rather masturbate in the tub than waste my time on that bs
Very rarely establishing an honest behavior becomes part of my reality. Towards really good friends I would admit that I can´t stand them this very moment, that it´s hard to like them because of their actions. Also sharing needs and wishes with people I appreciate takes place. "I would really like you to bite my neck", "could you pleace fuck me reckless", "I feel dissapponted and random when we are not in touch for weeks. please don t do that". VERY rarely.
To be honest you have to be brave enough to stand a nother persons reaction. And this might not be what you wish for or imagine. And that´s actually fine! As it´s not gonna kill you or them. It´s better and also easier to deal with something real, something visible than with thoughts inside peoples heads. It gives them opportunity to actually react, to recognize your perspektive and take care of your needs, maybe even fullfill your fantasy. You´ll figure out a way, does not matter if it´s good or bad. And when people ask me tomorrow what I did on new years´ eve I´ll tell them: I hate new years parties and spend the evening with comic books, codein and popcorn and it was great.
Happy new year everyone!